From trying to get pregnant to giving birth to raising your child, it all comes from within. Often times, we think that our actions, body, and mind are all separate entities, but in reality, it is more than that. These entities are a combination of intertwined links and knots that provide you with power to achieve; to achieve, but by letting go of control.
Pregnancy was always a blur thought for me. I never really understood or wondered what it would be like, what it would feel like and how I would undergo the journey. I have never been one of those people that would be able to give a fixed answer to let you know when my husband and I would be ready to have kids. I mean, we knew we wanted to have children, but if you were to ask us, our answer would always be “If God wants it to happen, then it will happen.” And that was it – no further thought about how our life would change if we were to enter the journey of parenthood.
I think because we were able to let go of control and just have faith in God, we were able to achieve a lot of success in our lives – one of them being pregnant. I remember in January of 2017, I was waiting for my wonderful monthly gift to arrive with pregnancy being a distant though in my mind (I did not even bother getting an at-home pregnancy test kit). At the first doctors appointment, I was thinking I had some sort of problem that needed to get cured until the doctor walked into the room after testing my urine with a big smile saying, “Congrats, you’re pregnant!”. I had no idea what emotions to experience – completely speechless. It did not take long to realize that pregnancy was going to be a roller coaster of emotions – from excitement to fear and everything in between.
I am lucky to say though that I would call my pregnancy a smooth journey – no morning sickness, no complications. However, I do remember that I gave up many things because I felt sick (mainly nauseous) and weak. To be frank, I wish I did not. I just always thought I was not going to get better anytime soon. My thoughts became worse when I started hearing other people’s “horror” stories about their pregnancy journeys and then suddenly I would think to myself “I can’t do this”. With time, I started to get my energy back and I was able to think positively. I let my body do its thing and I set my mind free – that was the recipe to feeling my best.
As things got better, I was able to enjoy my pregnancy and accept the fact that my body will always win. I enjoyed my pregnancy until my due date (September 21st) passed. After September 21st, the anticipation was so unbearable to the point where during my last midwife appointment before giving birth, I just sat on the chair and bawled my eyes out. I am not going to lie; I felt like I failed, I felt like giving up, I felt tired. I remember my midwife say, “This is very temporary now, and you will give birth any time now. When your baby girl is ready, it will happen 100% and you will get to hold her in your arms”. Later that day, I remembered, “If God wants it to happen, then it will happen.” Unbelievably, I started to enjoy the last couple of days of my pregnancy again, as if the day I bawled my eyes never happened.
Fast forward to the moment I went into labour to the moment of delivery; two words were the only words in my mind: let go. To let go of everything because stress will not help move foward, it will distract and delay. The ability to let go helped me overcome this phase because I let nature do what it is designed to do. I kept thinking positively that yes I can do this, just like every other women that gave birth before me. Shockingly, I was able to have a natural delivery in a short period of time, from the minute I had pain to holding my baby girl in my arms – all 100% natural. Since then, I believed that if you just let go, anything could happen.
In the future, you will see posts about parenting and I promise myself to use the same methodology of letting go. To letting go of control because my child is not a robot, I do not need to follow every single word in the parenting books that I have read and continue to read. Instead, I promise myself to enjoy every moment of being a life long mentor and most importantly, to be present.
“Mindfulness isn’t difficult; we just need to remember to do it.” – Sharon Salzberg